Photo and Feature Photo: noellium with tweaks by Kate Sedgwick and licensed CC.
The most famous rider of all time is a 1980’s Van Halen contract that stipulated that M&Ms must be provided but that all the brown ones must be removed and that failure to do so could result in cancellation of the contract [this among pages upon pages (53 to be precise) of requirements].
For those that don’t know, the rider (or backstage rider) is the contract signed by the promoters that hire musicians to play and includes not only the preferred snacks and meals of the talent, but specifics on required equipment, manpower, and security. Failure to meet any or all specifications without prior written permission from the band’s management may result in cancellation of the show. This is standard procedure.
Seen to be the absolute height of rock star prima donna-ism, Van Halen has revealed that the brown M&M clause was an insurance policy of sorts. If that part of the contract were overlooked, it could be assumed that parts of the rider that insured the band would be provided proper equipment that would not make them sound like ass, or at worst electrocute or smash them beneath tons of amps had also been ignored.
Still, this revelation can not explain the demands of other recording artists from the excessive to the deranged.
Snoop Dogg’s demand to have a Playstation with four controllers and “1999 sport video cartridges” provided can probably not be considered a safety issue and as years go by, it’s probably harder and harder to fill this requirement as personal assistants are likely scouring e-Bay for versions of Madden, Triple Play and NCAA College that are more that 10 years old.
The personal direction of the phrasing, “Please trust that this will be some of the most important money you spend,” sparks the imagination. What would the consequences be? Are Snoop Dogg’s lackeys too stoned to remember to pack their own video games?
This and all direct excerpts of the riders are screencaps of material at TheSmokingGun.
Well, thanks to TheSmokingGun, there is a massive collection of riders available for your inspection and amusement. They’ve even gone to the trouble of categorizing acts by genre and sussing out the funny parts, detailing them and putting red arrows next to them so you don’t have to work so hard to find the weirdness.
The rider that made me develop a crush sight unseen on Jos Grain, roadie for Iggy and The Stooges (and said to be the best rider ever by TSG) is excerpted below:
This and all direct excerpts of the riders are screencaps of material at TheSmokingGun.
Not all acts treat the rider as a platform for their roadie’s future stand-up act – in fact this appears to be the only one that does.
Check out Chuck Berry’s dead serious transportation requirements:
TRANSPORTATION (Excluding Japan and Russia): One (1) automatic, four door Mercedes Benz (the largest of the S50D, S420 or S320) with a 15.6 cubic foot trunk, available with keys to be given to Artist upon Artist’s arrival at the airport. Internal transportation compensation in the local currency, equivalent to $1 per kilometer shall be paid at the termination of each venue for mileage during each engagement.
In other words, gas money. Right?
Poor Barbara Streisand.
Original image: Alan Light with tweaks by
Kate Sedgwick and licensed CC.
Whoever’s been threatening her (unless this is completely borne of her own paranoia) is sure to be gratified to see the lengths to which she is willing to go (and put everyone around her to) to insure her own security. Can you see her as the heroine in a Lifetime movie? It might be more amusing than the role she played in Funny Girl.
SECURITY: “This tour requires metal detectors at all entrance doors, including backstage and all employee entrances. These must be actively manned throughout the entirety of show day and the performance. Also, there will need to be a thorough inspection of the facility by a police K9 prior to sound check.
At venues where our engagement is more than one day in length, an overnight contingent of guards shall be maintained from 11:00PM on the first show day continuously until 4:00PM (or otherwise directed) on the afternoon of the second show day. And so on until the finish of the engagement.”
My mom’s from Minneapolis, home of the infamous Bob Dylan. His cigarette hoarding ways were legion there where it was reported by many fellow party-goers that Dylan would bum cigarettes all night long, waiting until everyone had smoked their last before deigning to smoke from his own pack when all stores were long closed at which point he would refuse to share with anyone. The apple must not fall far from the tree. Check out these entitled (AND EMPHATIC!!!!!) requirements from Jakob Dylan.
While “absolutely no reference” may be made while promoting The Wallflower’s to “Bob Dylan’s Son,” who else but second generation, spoiled rock royalty comes on like this? Hope he gets everything he needs.
This and all direct excerpts of the riders are screencaps of material at TheSmokingGun.
Though their self indulgent rehab-rock has turned me off for quite some time, The Red Hot Chili Peppers have seemed at least to be people that would be fun to hang out with. Certain tour rider requirements have me thinking otherwise.
This and all direct excerpts of the riders are screencaps of material at TheSmokingGun.
“I can’t relax! It’s just too damn blue in here!”
The Black Crowes should have someone who’s not talking to angels write their rider contract.
This and all direct excerpts of the riders are screencaps of material at TheSmokingGun.
Which is it? New and opened or new and unopened?
These are but a few. If you’re looking for a way to kill a few hours, or a recipe for comedy gold, I recommend digging through the available contracts yourself.
Community Connection
More interested in low maintenance travel for musicians? MatadorGoods might have just what you’re looking for. Have a peek at 12 Small Instruments for Travel.
Planning on taking the act on the road? Before you do, see 5 Things You Should Know When Traveling with Musical Instruments.
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This is great! Maybe I should start making similar demands around the house…
“Josh needs his oatmeal exactly 104 degrees with freshly grated Nutmeg available in a fabriche egg that was painted by a harem of Berber virgins, unopened.”
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The oatmeal MUST arrive at this temperature WITHOUT a second heating and must be the consistency of mashed potatoes. Should the pablum drop below this temperature BEFORE being served to Josh, a FRESH bowl of oatmeal will be prepared and this process will continue until the desired result is achieved. While it may be believed by certain parties that a second heating might escape Josh’s notice, be aware that Josh has very keen sensibilities that are sure to ferret out a reheating and that household responsibilities may be null and void upon presentation of such oats.
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Rock stars and their goddam egos! Hilarious!
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This is awesome…spoiled musicians. Poor Barbara Streisand-no wonder she has stage fright.
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This actually used to be my job. I worked for a big concert promoter organising gigs and went out on tour with bands. Basically, I had to sort out this nonsense.
I can confirm that Manu Chao likes big hunks of raw fish in his dressing room, Elbow are lovely, the Manic Street Preachers insist on their own exclusive portaloo at music festivals and Goldfrapp are horrible.
Some golden rules are:
1. Brits need lots of beer, Americans need lots of ice. There will never be enough beer to keep them happy. There will never be enough ice.
2. There will never be enough water, however much you buy.
3. Bands will get bored of their rider after several weeks on the road and want to make lots of changes to it (usually just after you’ve gone and bought everything).
4. Every band will ask for fruit but nobody will ever eat it.
5. Young bands will always think it’s amusing to play with the cucumber. It’s not.
6. Nobody actually likes champagne that much.
6. When bands get big, they will start to quibble about the BRAND of water you get (see RHCP rider). When you can no longer take this, and think only of all the people in the world who don’t have water, it’s time to get out of the industry.I got out a few years ago but still dabble now and then, mostly doing music festivals. In all the years I’ve done this job, no rider has ever matched the beauty of the Iggy rider. That rider rocks.
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Wow. If you’re up for writing a piece with some remininceses of some of these experiences, it sounds like a great piece for Nights! Let me know.
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