Photo Mashup CC by Kate Sedgwick from record photo by seventime and skull photo by BenedictFrancis, also used as feature photo

And when you consider the average cost of one these days, the price seems almost reasonable.

If you would like to be buried, there’s no reason you can’t opt to have part of your body cremated to undergo the process, according to the AndVinyly website. All I imagine you would have to do is find a mortician willing to dismember a portion of your corpse and cremate it separately. That couldn’t be much of a problem, could it?

The process is not only reserved for human beings. Be it your hamster or your schnauzer, your pet is also eligible to be memorialized forever in vinyl.

Cremation (and possibly dismemberment) costs aside, the £2000 ($3,080 US) price tag includes:

*Your ashes pressed into the vinyl surface of up to 30 records of up to 12 minutes per side (24 minutes total).

*A record cover with “standard R.I.V. artwork” (‘Rest in Vinyl’ in case you were wondering, which from the looks of things is a black cover with your name and birth and death dates on a black sleeve in Minion Pro font).

You supply the audio and the ashes, and AndVinyly does the rest.

And they offer extras in spades.

If pressing a meaningful song from your life, the revving engine of your Prius (so close to silent), or the popping of an empty disc in a room full of grieving relatives isn’t unique enough for you, you can get the electronic musicians of The House of Fix or Daftwerk to take direction from you or simply press off one of their already existing songs (which can be heard at the website if you happen to select a track that works) for a mere £500 per track.

So if you feel concerned that your wake and funeral won’t call back memories of black painted plywood, the smell of smoke and Red Bull and the sound of a strange teenager coming to stark reality from a K-hole with a series of mind melting shrieks that overpower the throbbing monotony of the bass line and your dangerously dipping ecstasy buzz, you can ensure that those in the know will be taken back with vivid clarity to those halcion days with the drop of a needle on your dead, dead body.

For the price of £3,500 ($5,402 US) per painting, you could have your portrait painted by none other than the illustrious National Portrait Gallery painter James Hague.

This, of course, does not include (if you have the foresight to have the painting done while you’re still alive) the cost of sitting for the painter (£300/$463 US per hour) or the printing of the 30 record sleeves (£500/$772US, for which they generously include the printing of the labels).

This could be you!

Should you perhaps be unable to find a friend to run your final salutation through Garage Band to add a “sonic template” behind your recorded voice, AndVinyly will gladly mix in “predertmined backing tracks to spice up your vocal recording eg. ambient, classical, electro, haunting, celebration, reggae, rock, punk, space, 1960’s/70’s etc.” that last 3 minutes each for the entirely reasonable cost of £250 ($386 US).

If, for any reason, you would prefer to have your funeral “event” hosted by a “team of experienced event organisers” rather than your closest family and friends who, let’s face it, will probably be too sad to spin you in style, the starting price of a so called FUNeral is £10,000 ($15,434 US).

The haunted eyes of a club kid named Neltron can come to startling life as her buzz kicks in and she gets the party started right for those you’ve left behind in a venue they have had to hunt down in a warehouse district with cryptic fliers and no listed address. By the time your mom gets there, it will all be over, a final ‘Fuck you, I’ll come home when I bloody well want to! And that’s never!’ ringing forever in her ears.

Community Connection

Vinyl isn’t the only way to go. 10 Extraordinary Burial Ceremonies From Around the World presents the Skull Burial from Kiribati, and the Predator Burial of the Maasai Tribe of East Africa.

Also on BNT: A Traveler’s Guide to the History of Death.

Photobooth Blackout! , LOL – Bush Blackout! All photos courtesy of Black Out Korea; All rights reserved.

I became familiar with the site while working with Kate Holmes on her piece Drinking in Korea Requires Etiquette and Endurance, who provided a photo from Black Out Korea.

I was intrigued and began poking around the site and got in touch with the blog owner and he agreed to an interview under condition of anonymity. Due to threats he has received, the fact that he is still in Korea, and aspects of the culture there that are touched on in this interview, his identity is not revealed here. On the last page of this article, the man who heretofore will be referred to as BOK tells us about his rationale about anonymity.

MatadorNights (MN): How long have you been in Korea?

Black Out Korea (BOK): Since March of ‘09, so I suppose that makes it nigh on a year and a half.

MN: How long were you there before you started this blog?

BOK: About 6 months before I got around to actually starting it, but I had been intermittently been taking pictures and marveling at the black-out phenomenon since I got here.

MN: I’m guessing you work there. Can you tell me what you do?

BOK: I’m an English teacher. Tons of foreigners from all over teach English here, and most have pretty boring (and repetitive) personal travel blogs.

Nothing against travel blogs in general, it’s just that when you’re friends with a couple hundred people who all seem to go to the same places in Korea, marvel at the same cultural oddities, and take the exact same routes through Southeast Asia, the concept gets kind of disenchanting. But I digress.

MN: What was your initial reaction to seeing people passed out this way?

BOK: I still can’t really believe it. I’m from the US, and if you are even drunk in public you’re apt to get arrested, let alone if you’re blacked out. And even then, getting arrested would be the best case scenario. People would be robbed blind if they passed out this much back home in the States.

Apparently that’s not much of a problem here, they just have to watch out for foreigners with cameras.

MN: Which is your favorite all time photograph or series of photographs?

BOK: Whew, that’s a rough question.

There are several hundred pictures on the site now. While the photos themselves can be gold, I really enjoy the captions and stories that people send in with the pictures. They really help put you in their situation and give you somewhat of the same feeling of “WTF?” that they experienced when they saw the scene.

For example, this one:

Landlord Blackout!

The caption states, “This was taken at about 6:30am by one of the tenants of this apartment. That is the landlord, shoeless, and soaked in his own urine and vomit He was no more than 20 feet from his door.”

I mean, can you imagine seeing your landlord like that? What would you even do? Wake him up? Every time you saw each other for the rest of your tenancy you’d share this silent embarrassment of that one fateful morning.

There are some pretty amazing ones from the subway as well. The best usually involve the subject curled up on the dirty subway floor. I can understand being tired and taking a hunched-over nap (everybody has done that) but these are ridiculous:

Upper left: Sometimes the Floor is More Comfortable, Lower left: Empty Seats? Fuck That., Right: Did Anyone Trip Over Him?

For me personally, I’m going to have to go with this one being my personal favorite (so far):

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

He just looks so resigned, like he said “Forget it, I’ve gotten this far, and I am NOT going up there”

MN: How long was it before you started to receive submissions?

BOK: It was only about a week before they started to trickle in. I told some of my close friends, and posted a couple entries on Facebook. After about two weeks, I was getting a few emails a week, and it’s been pretty steady since. It hit the Korean blogosphere in November of last year, and I suppose that was my 15 minutes of fame when I got the most activity on the site.

MN: Do you reject any submissions? Why and how often?

BOK: It is very rare when I’ll reject a submission. If the person sleeping outside is homeless (there are a lot of homeless folks in Seoul), I won’t post the pictures out of principle.

I’m not a saint, however; early on in the site development there were a few I posted out of sheer ignorance. I also don’t post photos of really, really embarrassing blackouts. Usually these involve nudity and a fair amount of crude poses. Although, once again, I’m not a saint. You can find still a bit of nudity and crude poses on the site. Pervert.

What bores some stiff gets others that way.

For most of us, these are about as exciting as watching dust accumulate. For those with very specific tastes, there’s nothing more arousing than a woman blowing her nose or an overinflated balloon.

While you may scoff, don’t write the fetishist off. Just think of how generous they may be when indulging your freakiness after searching for years for someone to enthusiastically stomp toys for them or cheer them on while they writhe in lycra.

And while it might not make sense to you, imagine the ease of a life that requires nothing more to achieve satisfaction than a warm exhaust pipe or a pile of down parkas. No messy breakups. No awkward first dates.

The people who put videos of their children with balloons on the internet ought to be cognizant of the fact that there are people out there (AKA ‘looners’) for whom the act of blowing up balloons is erotic. Blowing, popping – the suspense – it’s undeniable.

This guy was plausibly caught unaware, posting himself blowing up a balloon until it popped. Surprised at the number of views he got, it seems there is a certain percentage of erotic balloon enthusiasts who prefer their blowers wistfully unaware of their erotic powers.

If the human quotient is too cumbersome, sometimes it’s all about the balloon.

Buster is especially animated and entertaining. Just look at that twinkle in his eyes.

Don’t believe me? Go ahead and check out the comments in YouTube if your skeptical.

A quick search for zentai or unitard on eBay will reveal a world you never imagined. It’s not about getting undressed, but about being completely covered and perhaps further immersed in water or mud.

Many of us experience momentary disgust with ourselves in those moments after bring ourselves to climax, but what about this guy? He’s got a good hour of cleanup ahead of himself once the afterglow fades.

It’s easy to understand how tickling can be eroticized. If the axiom that fetishes come from mildly traumatizing experiences in early childhood is true, it’s a wonder more of us aren’t tickle freaks.

While for most, the idea of being trampled may be abhorrent, there is some human contact there, and the trope of dominance and submission we can all comprehend, even if it leaves us cold.

Less relatable is the fetish for seeing objects crushed. I’m curious if, for those whose heart rates rise watching these, there is some projection happening in which the object is the viewer’s surrogate.

Is this fixation what happens when you stomp and destroy little Timmy’s favorite toy car?

One man’s lunch is another man’s orgasm.

This is all about isolation. Ironically, it is incredibly dangerous if done unsupervised. The mummy can easily suffocate or asphyxiate.

If this is your thing and you’re out there feeling alone and blue, make sure you sign up for this forum to discuss it with other like-minded individuals.

A whole BBC five documentary was made about men who have sex with cars. One man has ironically named his car Vanilla. Paradise by that dashboard light?

Cars are not the only love objects without a pulse. KansasCity.com has collected news stories about unexpected inanimate/animate pairings.

Apotemnophilia is written about rather extensively in Wikipedia. It is the erotic desire to have a limb removed. What provokes sympathy and mortification at the thought of being caught staring in most is a deep source of arousal for others. Those who get off watching these may not simply be objectifying these people, but imagining themselves in their place.

As with nearly every fetish you see here, this fetish is often combined with the love of feet (or foot) and footwear.

If you’re thinking of picking up your next parka at the Goodwill, you might want to make sure you run it by the cleaners before wearing it. Don’t get any ideas about this guy, ladies. A glance at his left hand lets us know he’s taken.

Destruction of the fetishized object:

Community Connection

We’ve all got our quirks. Do you see the appeal? Help the rest of us see reason in the comments below.

This and all photos are by the author.

You’d want to know when you’re being out-of-line in another country, right? Maybe you’ve thought: Gee, it’d be great to get a local’s perspective on etiquette.

No? Well then do us all a favor and park your patoot just where it is, if you don’t mind.

For the non “ugly American,” though, listen up.

To the Irish, drinking is a sacred pastime. Far more than a place for drunkenness or casual hook-ups, pubs have traditionally been the center of the Irish social fabric. In other words, the Irish take their drinking very, very seriously.

Irishmen Thomas and Liam Cleary want to help American travelers avoid pub faux pas. Thomas owns and operates Kennedy’s Pub in Dublin, a popular after-work destination and hangout for students from Trinity College.

Liam is a Ph.D candidate at Trinity. If there’s one thing the Cleary brothers know it’s pubs, and they want to help you avoid some common offenses committed by tourists.

Thomas, who sees Americans all the time at the pub he runs, can be hard on their etiquette. Though the brothers maintain that we have no discernable pub ethic, they are setting out to change that. Thomas says:

They all crave the experience of the Irish pub, but they are clueless about the interaction necessary to get the quintessential Irish pub experience.

Ouch.

Ultimately, though, they’re here to help. Here are the brothers’ tips, broken into categories for easy comprehension:

Entering

- Irish people traditionally always take their hat off at a bar so don’t be surprised if you are asked to do the same. It is rude not to remove your hat upon entering a pub.

- Don’t wait to be seated. Get your ass on the first stool you see.

Ordering

- Spying someone’s else drink and announcing ‘I’ll have what he’s having’ is frowned upon. Make up your own mind.

- There are no good local micro breweries in Dublin. Guinness runs the show, so get used to it.

- ‘A glass’ means ‘half a pint’.

- Keep your paws off the Guinness until the bartender hands it to you.” The “perfect pour” is a time-tested tradition in Ireland, consisting of two pours – one to let the Guinness settle, and another to top it off. Be careful not to jump the gun and grab it too early.

- We do not free-pour liquor — it is against the law. Don’t ask the barman to do it. Accept the legal measure.

- Opening a tab can be done, but we’d rather not.

- No one in this country drinks Irish car bombs, so stop looking so bewildered when this fact is revealed.

- Chips mean hot, thick French Fries not potato chips. These are called crisps and are quite tasty with a pint of anything.

Paying

- Don’t attempt to pay for one drink on a credit card.

- Yes we do use the Euro. No, that’s Britain you’re thinking of.

- If someone buys you a drink, buy them one back — unless he or she is a pervert. In that case, run.

- You do not have to tip bar staff. They get paid enough.

Drinking

- Learn to drink a pint, don’t slam it, chug it or down it. Appreciate it.

- Getting wasted is not a badge of honor to be screamed about, it means you can’t hold your drink and as such is to be frowned upon.

- There is a great Irish saying ‘a bird is known by its song, a man by his conversation.’ Americans are known by trying to incessantly shout over the top of each others’ voices. Obviously this is more prevalent among younger Americans, but it is our first indicator of Americans about etiquette.

- Thomas’ final tip is really more of a plea for human decency. “Nothing to do with pub etiquette,” he says, “but socks and sandals — ouch.”

Community Connection

Ireland on a Budget? Matador’s got you covered. Also of interest might be The Expeditioner Travel Guide to Dublin on MatadorTV which includes footage from inside the Guinness Storehouse.

]]> http://matadornights.com/irishmen-lecture-americans-on-pub-etiquette/feed/ 19 http://matadornights.com/too-much-beer-american-in-netherlands-hand-washing-fail/ http://matadornights.com/too-much-beer-american-in-netherlands-hand-washing-fail/#comments Sat, 08 May 2010 21:51:51 +0000 Kate Sedgwick http://matadornights.com/?p=8575 Internet Radio Haarlem 105 caught something on tape no one’s likely to forget too soon during Bevrijdingspop.

Gosh, these Dutch are serious with their sanitary ways. Just look at this trough devoted to hand washing! Treated with a yellow chemical for extra sanitariness, um. Huh. Wait a second. Uh oh.

]]> http://matadornights.com/too-much-beer-american-in-netherlands-hand-washing-fail/feed/ 0 http://matadornights.com/drinking-in-korea-requires-etiquette-and-endurance/ http://matadornights.com/drinking-in-korea-requires-etiquette-and-endurance/#comments Thu, 29 Apr 2010 01:58:24 +0000 Kate Holmes http://matadornights.com/?p=8390

Noraeband: Shark Shots

That’s not to say foreign teachers are all living the rock star lifestyle; Korea just has an alcohol-fueled social system, and regular and heavy boozing does not carry the stigma it does in the Western world. It is an important way to bond and connect with coworkers, friends, and potential business associates.

As a ritualized activity, drinking alcohol comes with strict etiquette. If you can follow the protocol and hold your own, you’re in.

The rules for imbibing are rigid in Korea, and following them will score you major points with your Korean hosts.

First and most importantly, never pour your own beverage. Someone will pour it for you. You must also pour for others, watching diligently to be sure your companions’ glasses are never empty.

Hold your cup with both hands. It’s polite.
Photo: grahamhills

When another drinker fills your vessel, hold the cup with both hands. This is the polite gesture for accepting anything given to you in Korea.

Finally, turn your back to anyone of higher rank as you drink. Stratification is deeply embedded in Korean society, so you should always be aware of the pecking order. Anyone older or higher on the corporate ladder should be treated deferentially, and one easy way to do that is to turn away from them as you sip.

In addition to basic etiquette, there is a standard 5-step drinking process that you should be aware of. The procedure can be flexible in the order or the omission of steps, what’s important is that you do “Five Rounds” or Oh Cha of drinking in five different locations.

Round One: Dinner and soju (let’s just think of soju as watery vodka for the sake of simplicity).

Round Two: The group generally moves on to a Hof, a Korean bar where you will be required to order snacks like fried chicken with your beer.

Round Three: Another Hof or a Western-style bar where only libations are served and you are not required to purchase food. By this time the party is probably getting pretty raucous and will more than likely proceed to

Round Four: Noraebang, a karaoke bar where patrons rent private singing rooms by the hour.

Round Five: To wrap up the evening, those still standing will move to a nightclub or disco.

Soju Photo: grahamhills

Middle rounds are a great time for drinking games, which usually involve shouting, chanting, and singing. You may be commanded to oneshot (finish your brew) or loveshot (hook arms with the person seated next to you and swig together like a wedding toast). You will almost certainly hear “gun bae!” Korean for cheers. Taking a slug after you clink glasses is universal.

Once you have established that you know and can follow the rules and procedures of Korean drinking, you can relax and turn your focus to basic survival. If you plan to make it through Five Rounds alive, this can quickly become a priority.

Regardless of the occasion, you will likely find that the people around you are drinking in large quantities. For the sake of your physical and mental well-being, it’s good to have a firm plan in place for avoiding overindulging, which can be tricky in a culture where refusing alcohol is considered rude.

Remember to pace yourself. Take time to chat and socialize and don’t be too eager to tie one on. Continuing to snack throughout the night both defers drinking and can fortify your stomach. And when all else fails, toss that shot of soju over your shoulder when no one is looking.

Given the exuberant attitude towards drinking in Korea, it is inevitable that some poor soul in your company is going to overdo it.

Never mention this again.
Photo and Feature Photo: BlackOutKorea

Let’s hope this is not you. The best thing to do for this person is allow them to “take a rest” at the table without much fuss and then pour them into a cab when the time comes.

Drinking yourself into a drooling stupor is not shameful in Korea. You will be expected to cut anyone who does it some slack.

The last and most important thing to remember is to never mention it again. Whether your buddy got into a belligerent, drunken shouting match or simply fell asleep upright and snoring in his captain’s chair, protocol is to pretend that it never happened.

It may be difficult to refrain, but perhaps someday you will have a reason to appreciate this rule.

Gun bae and good luck!

Community Connection

Korea on your horizon? Did you know your smile might be out of place there? Uh oh. Better read 10 Korean Customs to Know Before You Visit Korea.

Looking for a livelier experience? MatadorAbroad has you covered with Eating Live Animals: One Eater’s Experience in Korea.

If you need to know more, connect with MatadorCommunity members through their blogs and start asking questions or start your own blog today.

Photo by Tom Gates.

Matador is crazy about Chile. While your guidebook may offer popular sightseeing spots—La Moneda and the museum under it, the teleferico (cable car) in Cerro San Cristobal, and the Pre-columbian Museum—take a break from the norm and discover the city locals love and tourists hardly ever find.

Here are five to start with:

Nightlife: La Habana Vieja

Most of the guidebooks will tell you to head to Barrio Bellavista for a good time, and with good reason. From midnight to 4am, Bellavista is the place to drink cheap beer and carretear (party). But if the fraternity-feel to Bellavista starts to get old, try La Habana Vieja for live music, live dance shows, great food and dance lessons, too.

On Friday and Saturday at 9pm and 10:30pm, you can take salsa lessons with other locals. The live band begins to play at 11:30pm. If you come on the right night, you can catch the Afro-Columbian dancers shaking their hips in authentic long, wide skirts and peasant blouses. The club is three blocks from the Santa Lucia metro.

Remember, the metro closes at 11pm, so call a cab when you’re ready to get back to your hostel.

Photo by author.

Food: Boulevard Lavaud

Boulevard Lavaud is THE best restaurant in Santiago, Chile for its ambiance alone. Boulevard Lavaud is an old French barbershop and salon founded in 1868. The building has been restored to its 1870’s look, complete with its barbershop and antique accoutrements.

Not only are the food and drinks good, but if you have a penchant for antiques, you can buy any of the hundreds you see decorating the walls and shelves.

Boulevard Lavaud is open Monday through Friday 9am to 1am and Saturday from 9am-3am. It’s closed on Sundays. You can find the restaurant/bar at the corner of Compania de Jesus and Libertad in the Patrimonial Yungay Barrio, closest to the Cumming metro station.

Calypso in Cajon de Maipo

Calypso, an Italian restaurant, makes you feel like you’re in Italy. A quaint house with a large patio, the restaurant offers views at every window of the countryside and mountains beyond.

Calypso’s genuine Italian recipes transport you. Their picante (spicy) olive oil and garlic sauce is the perfect blend of spice and rich flavors, adding to the heavenly plate of homemade pastas. Traveling and in love? This is the place to go. You can sit outside to dine on warm summer days, a glass of vino in your hand.

After lunch or dinner, take a nap in the hammocks next to the duck pond. The country air alone will invigorate you for the return trip to city life.

Calypso is open Friday through Sunday from 12pm to 6pm (get there early for a table) and dinner Friday and Saturdays until 10pm. Calypso is in an hour outside of Santiago. You can take a colectivo from the Puente Alto metro station, or rent a car for the day.

Royale de Luxe’s Little Giant. Photo by Tom Gates.

Art: Pequena Gigante (last weekend in January)

From January 3rd through the 31st, Santiago has their theater arts festival featuring music, dance, and theater productions throughout the city, all at very reasonable prices.

The grand finale is a marionette show of gigantic proportions featuring a team of French puppeteers called Royal de Luxe and their two marionettes. The girl marionette, named La Pequena Gigante or The Little Giant, is over 20 feet tall and her uncle, is 35 feet tall. Thousands of people gather each day to watch the marionettes wander through downtown Santiago.

The marionettes walk, sit, blow bubbles, sleep, and even drink water, thanks to a few firemen. The puppeteers, dressed in long, red coats, pull the marionette strings (or, more accurately, ropes) by grabbing the ropes and jumping from the base of the crane which supports the marionettes. Their body weight moves the marionette. The last production brought more than 600,000 Chileans to watch in awe at the giants moving through their city.

Dance: Hip Hop Classes at Arte en Movimiento

Street Style. Photo: Carlos Varela

One of the best ways to feel like a local is to take a dance class–after all, it’s a great way to practice Spanish without having to know a whole lot of vocabulary. And since you will have already done salsa at La Habana Vieja, try hip hop at Arte en Movimiento.

The studio offers a wide variety of hip hop classes from Girly Style and Hip Hop Dance to Popping and Street Style. Popping with J. Popp is a technically difficult class but teaches you how to trick the eye through movement. Hip Hop Dance with Power Peralta, a popular hip hop twin duo in Chile, is a great beginner class.

The studio is located in Barrio Bellavista at 172 Antonia Lopez de Bello on the 8th floor. Most of the hip hop classes are offered between 7pm and 9pm.

Community Connection

Curious about Chile? Check out the country’s hot spots, like the best coast towns and maybe even what NOT to do while visiting . Keep an eye on the Chile’s politics, from unique protests to its debates about natural resources.

Now showing: American Football? Probably not. Photo:: springfieldhomer

Eager to provide patrons a modified slice of a throwback era, the most glaring change from the traditional drive-in is that movie-goers cannot actually drive in to the theater.

Confused? We were too.

It works like this: when patrons order their movie tickets online, they must also select one of 20 shiny, new Volvos (Starlite’s partner) on the lot as their seating for the movie.

Driving personal cars into the lot is out of the question. And so is driving, as these 20 cars are “pre-parked for … viewing pleasure.” All patrons have to do is get in their selected, stationary vehicles.

And then not be completely aghast by the blatant artificiality of it all.

The concept is the brainchild of Damian Barr who describes his creative thinking, “I wanted to update the idea and make it work for an urban eco-conscious.” Because there’s no driving involved, there’s no vehicle emissions. The cars have additionally been adapted so that the movie can be heard through the car radios, thus cutting down on harmful noise pollution.

Photo:pstao

As movie-goers watch the film of the night, waitresses roll by the cars on roller skates taking and delivering popcorn orders.

Who knows? It might be a fun time. Maybe Barr’s concept will take off and Londoners will flock to the trendy new drive-in theater that doesn’t let anyone drive in.

Having experiences once removed is becoming more and more the way of having experiences these days. We watch ‘reality’ on our televisions. We play Second Life. We hurl ourselves through the air at unimaginable speeds in perfectly isolated vessels where one simple slide of the window shade can cut out the fact that we are situated in the clouds.

So, going to a drive-in theater to sit in cars that will not ever be driven, in order to relive an era many of us have not experienced first-hand doesn’t seem so absurd, does it?

What do you think? Would you go?

Tickets are £25 and will go on sale June 1, 2010.

Community Connection

Matador has a slew of information about the United Kingdom, from how to take the bus in London to the best pubs for a sunday roast.

It can’t be a secret when Wikipedia states, “While in Los Angeles, Kesha had the opportunity to sing background vocals for Paris Hilton’s single, ‘Nothing in This World,’ which led to a later incident in which she vomited in Hilton’s closet.”

Even if you don’t have the faintest idea of who Kesha is (I didn’t), if you resent corporate rock, inane lyrics devoid of meaning, and cookie cutter sound, you’ll have a deeper appreciation for GloZell’s observational comedy.

Community Connection

If it’s time to do some soul searching about alcohol, why not pop over to BraveNewTraveler and read The Tie That Binds: Do We Need Alcohol to Connect on the Road?

St. Patricks Day Hash, proving that anyone can run. Photo by mjkmjk

Over the course of the last five years, I’ve hashed with 28 packs in 11 countries. I’ve run through Muslim slums and desert oil fields in the Middle East, the four green fields of Ireland, the sugar cane fields of Barbados, the shiggy of Puerto Rico and the urban density of Port-of-Spain, Trinidad. I find Hashers to be the best people in the world. People who will go out of their way to pick you up at the airport, transport you around their town, let you sleep on their couch, run through the woods with you, and share their alcohol. – Saigon Sally (aka Curtiss), PRH3

New in town? Looking to explore out-of-the-way, non-tourist places? Know where to meet fun people? The answer is the Hash. No, it’s not the drug . It’s not the food, either. And it’s mostly legal.

Somebody’s in trouble! Photo by davidclow

You usually first hear about it in whispers. “You Hash?,” someone may ask. “What’s that?” you reply. “Oh nothing. You kinda run some, but not always, and there’s definitely lot’s of beer, maybe even a bit of nudity. But only if you want. It’s really not as bad as it sounds. You should try it. It’s fun. I promise.”

Think of the Hash as kind of a social filter for great friends. It weeds out the straight-laced, responsible people. The left-over misfits are Hashers.

They may be Marines guarding the local embassy, the pilot who just landed your plane, that guy who manages your off-shore bank accounts, the CEO of a haircare company or a recent grad teaching English to locals. They may be expats or locals. Marathoners, teetotalers, pot-bellied couch potatoes, multi-lingual math geniuses, beach bums. They are all Hashers.

The Hash, more formally known as Hash House Harriers (HHH), is a self-professed “Drinking club with a running problem.” Founded before World War II, the Hash has grown into a worldwide phenomenon. This social club meets in cities throughout the world. Most meetings include some form of running or walking and alcohol, often both at the same time. There is always singing and perhaps a little debauchery.

Normally, running is straight-forward. One foot in front of the other and keep going. But this is the Hash. The catch? Nobody knows where the trail leads. It’s also possible nobody knows where the trail begins. And at times nobody even knows where the trail is. Symbols on the ground, generally made with flour, mark the trail for hashers. These symbols are explained at the beginning of the trail, during the chalk talk, given for the Virgins in the crowd.

Photo by basumus

Flour marks the dead-ends, song checks, beer checks, boob checks, the real trail and false trails. On any given trail, there is a 100% chance someone will get lost at some point. Just make sure you are not that person.

After the run/walk, there’s always the Hash circle. Punishments are assessed for the stupid stuff people do along the trail. These violations could be sex on the trail (no, not REALLY sex, just PDA), technology on trail, shortcutting and numerous other invented violations. The punishment is always the same. Get in the circle. Sing a song. Do a down-down. Repeat. Hares do down-downs, defined as singing a song and then slamming down your beverage of choice in one gulp. Virgins (new hashers) do down-downs. Front Running Bastards (FRBs) do down-downs. Really, everybody does down-downs.

Also, if you become a regular you will be named. Often, it is after you screw up or do something stupid. Most likely, it is not a flattering name. Ankles for Earrings, Passed Out Pumping, Play In My Pants (PIMP), Clitty Litter, Stick It In My Socket and Naughty Man are all Hash names that evoke a certain fear as to what devious behavior earned them these names.

Photo by espanol

For as off-the-wall as it sounds, most Hashes are well-organized groups. Each Hash is run by a Mis-Management Committee of a General Manager (GM), Religious Adviser (often the most unholy of people), Hare Raiser, Hash Cash, Beermeister and Haberdasher. The Committee organizes each event, everything from who lays the trail and runs the Hash circle, to purchasing beverages or offering merchandise for sale. Most Hashes charge a nominal fee to cover expenses, but you will recoup this in fun and friends in the first five minutes.

Find out about your local Hash ahead of time. Is it family-friendly, pet-friendly, extreme runners only or for walkers too? Each Hash is different. Some are miles of running, with a smidgen of social activity thrown in at the end. Others are social events, with a bit of a walk as an afterthought.

There are Hashes where kids are present, manners are required and drinking is kept to socially acceptable levels. And then there are Hashes where including kids would be a felony, alcohol consumption is beyond belief, and a little nudity is a given. No matter which version you choose, meeting great people is guaranteed.

Community Connection

Questions about running. Could running barefoot be good for you? Was anyone gored at last year’s running of the bulls in Pamplona? Want to run a marathon in Kenya? If none of the above, just check out our pick for the world’s most disgusting adult beverage .

Photo by Bistrosavage

UK Professor David Nutt could have sulked furious frustration last fall after getting fired from his job as head of the Advisory Committee on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD) for “disagreeing with Ministry decisions.”  No one would have blamed him.  He chose a path of honesty and reform over bureaucratic protocol and chain-of-command, summoning the moxy to, as Britain’s chief drug-czar, criticize the very system which employed him. 

Specifically, he derided the government’s decision to keep marijuana scheduled as a Class C drug despite the committee’s reccomendation to for down-scheduling, as well as their decision to place Ecstasy as a Class A drug.  Citing a paper ranking various drugs by comparative harm, heroin and cocaine stood tall as the most harmful drugs while marijuana, LSD, and Ecstasy, all fell far behind fifth-ranked alcohol; Nutt famously stated that “the dangers of Ecstasy are no greater than those of horse-riding,”  creating an volatile uproar amongst politickers and equine ideologues alike.

When Nutt didn’t keep his mouth shut on the subject, Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Home Minister Alan Johnson agreed that the professor had to go. 

Several other committee members resigned following the decision and in a rebuttal article in the London Sunday Times, Nutt wrote, “My sacking has cast a huge shadow over the relationship of science to policy…[and] it seems unlikely that any ‘true’ scientist–one who can only speak the truth–will be able to work for this, or future, Home Secretaries.”

Rather than retaliating with polemic, Nutt returned to the lab where he helped synthesize a new alcohol-like substance which brings all the tipsiness without the hangover and has a “ceiling” of drunkenness to prevent over-consumption and alcohol death. 

Along with the rest of the scientists from London’s Imperial College, they hope it might someday replace the alcohol content in many of the beverages that contribute to millions of deaths, disease, addiction and despair worldwide.  Britain’s NHS currently spends more than 3 billion pounds per year on combating binge drinking.

If his new, interesting drug doesn’t immediately catapault Nutt to the status of scientific rock-star and demigod of imbibery, the team’s second project–an antidote pill that mutes the effects of the synthetic alcohol–should do the trick.  Too syntheti-drunk to drive?  Taking one of Nutt’s anti-drunk pills could put you back behind the wheel with all the sobriety needed for the 2 A.M. Taco Bell run you could never make after downing that pint of Jameson.

However, as with most awesome things in life, the invisible obstacle course of political groupthink and sluggish progressivism will likely prevent and quick change in drinking policy, as Nutt notes that the government which fired him less than 3 months ago would need to back the substance, which at present would fall foul of drug laws.

Photo and Feature Photo: Joel Washing

Not lucky enough to be among them? You can always do the next best thing and visit a convention near you that gathers bright talents from around the globe.

Photo of traditional Thai tattooing being done: Binder.donedat

This year will be the first Bangkok International Tattoo Convention where you can see Arjan Noo Kanphai at work whose traditionally done Thai tattoos are renowned for their magic. Other artists who will be there include Mick Zurich, Shige, Horitsuna (who specializes in Tebori – traditional Japanese hand tattooing), and Mike Ledger.

Another tempting pick for the month of January is The Singapore Tat2 Show from the 8th through the 10th.

Our pick for February is the Third Annual MusInk Tattoo Convention and Music Festival in no small part due to the musical lineup which includes The Buzzcocks and The Damned. If you buy a three day pass for $75.00, you can also see NOFX and The Cult along with Jim Rose. Their listing of tattoo artists includes Mick Zurich and Hori Sho of Tokyo and mostly Californian artists and shops including Juan Puente of Black Rose.

The second annual Sydney Tattoo & Body Art Expo features 200 + artists, mostly Australian including Mik Massingham and Mitch 13, Nick Morte of Norway and French artist Noon.

Photo: bog king

Featured Artist this year at Edmonton Ink Festival is Tattoo Jake who’s been tattooing across Canada since the ’80’s and offers a history of tattooing on his website along with problematic and unsafe practices he’s seen on tattoo TV shows.

Other artists will be listed on the site soon, but past conventions featured a roller derby, a graffiti wall and special guest Lizardman Erik Sprague and his stand-up routine.

A list of artists from all over Europe and the world can be found on the International Needle Art Convention website including Tattoo Jan Studio, and Carl Cooke’s Artful Ink of the UK. The lineup is not complete this far out, but you can see last year’s at the website to get an idea.

Tattoo Fest 2010 lists Victor Portugal of Kraków, Jef from Boucherie Moderne in Belgium and Guil Zekri of Germany and “many more” as artists whose trust they’ve gained. Does that mean they’ll be there in 2010? Check the website in the coming months for more information.

Photo of Elaine Davidson, World’s Most Pierced Woman:
MissAgentCooper

The 6th International Tattoo Convention kicks off in Stavanger, Norway at the end of July. If you’re not impressed with the no frills website, just look at the spectacles beheld at the 2009 event by scrolling down and clicking “Pictures 2009.”

2010 will include Sid and Noi Saimese, both formerly of Thailand, Vatea of Haiti, a bevy of Norwegian artists and many European artists.

Last year, Isobel Varley, the “Most Tattoed Senior Woman” according to the Guinness Book of World Records appeared along with Eliane Davidson, the world’s most pierced woman.

The lineup for Hell City is nowhere near complete yet. The four artists confirmed for the Phoenix Show are all from Clic Collective in Virginia, while their Columbus, Ohio show in May is far closer to hammered out.

The website states they are not an average tattoo convention which must be true when they offer a children’s area (Heck City Kid’s Zone). They promise “everything from live entertainment on the main stage, to music, to free seminars, live forums, The Art Fusion Experiment, tattoo competitions every day,” and of course, the ubiquitous Suicide Girls.

A shot from the London Convention: beerandnoodles

We’ve talked about The London Tattoo Convention on Matador Nights before. Details are few and far between for the 2010 lineup, but as the time draws near, buzz should get going in the forum.

In the meantime, you can peruse last year’s artists and events to get a good idea of what will be in store for you should you make it in 2010.

The Barcelona Tattoo Expo will be in its 13th year on 2010. In 2009 the convention had more then 9,000 visitors and 134 exhibitors. While there is little information about this event, you can subscribe to their newsletter for updates. 2009’s schedule was chock full of activities.

Photo: redkidrob

If the past two years are any indication, Florence will hold its third tattoo convention this November. Last year featured loads of Italian artists including transplant Don Alejandro Cervantes of Tattoo Mexican Family and his clan, and photo-realists Matteo Cascetti and Tiziano Ripanti of Il Gatto e la Volpe. Many European artists and several Japanese artists including including Hiro, Horinao and Ritsu from Cat Claw Studio were on the roster last year as well as a couple of Americans and one Brazilian.

It’s pretty certain that December will see the 20th Berlin Tattoo Convention. Only just completed, 2009’s event included Herbert Hoffman, billed as the oldest tattoo artist. Last year, Vatea tattooed in the real old school fashion – without a machine, and 150 artists worked and were showcased from locales as far-flung as China.

Looking for more conventions? Check out Karen L. Hudson’s guide on About.com as it’s updated throughout the year to see if you’ll be near one in 2010.

Community Connection

This list brings you one tattoo convention a month worldwide and picks are partially based on date, so many greats have been excluded from the list. Is there something you’d like to see here? We invite your comments letting us know below.

Check out MatadorTV to see Thai monks tattooing in the traditional way and the tattooed taking on the attributes of the tattoos they’ve gotten.

Torn about being tattooed? You can read Matador Community member kburg’s blog about what a tattoo can mean for your employment in Korea.

The apparently masochistic Caga tió smiles in
anticipation of being beaten until he poops out your
snacks for Christmas.
Photo: Wikipedia

A perfect illustration of this point is the “Tió de Nadal” (Christmas Log), more popularly known as “Caga tió” (shitting or pooping log) – a tradition of Catalonia.

Starting on December 8, the hollowed log is ‘fed’ each night and tucked under a blankie so he won’t get cold. Then on Christmas day or Christmas Eve, the family gathers around and sings to the log as they beat it, loosing ‘poop’ such as figs and turrón to be shared by all the assailants. At the end, the log will crap out a herring or a head of garlic to signal the treats have come to an end.

Similar traditions are practiced in areas near to Catalonia and are thought to be related to the Christmas tree.

According to Wikipedia, this is the one of the many songs sung to the Tió de Nadal prior to and during its beating:

Graphic: Kate Sedgwick

Community Connection

Still Interested in Catalonia? We thought so. Check out Matador Community Member Frannyink’s informative essay about the living architecture of the Castellers of Catalonia.

Have something to tell us about? Become a member today and get busy with a blog of your own.

Photos are screencaps of iPhone screencaps of the application from the iTunes store.

While Diddy’s BlackBook is free from iTunes App Store, it is likely to be the only thing that is. The iPhone app is a pairing of Diddy and BlackBook to bring you the best in clubs, bars, dining, hotels and shopping in fifty cities worldwide along with reviews written by either the people at BlackBook or P Diddy’s personal assistant. Want to know where you can blow $50 on a martini in any major metropolis? Wonder no further.

One reviewer on the iTunes page says it was totally worth the $0 that he paid for it while another called it useless, citing the fact that the 50 featured cities are hundreds of miles from any location he’s likely to be.

Still, if you’re interested in finding out where Sean Combs hangs out (or is at least willing to say he does to add clout to BlackBook’s reputation while likely being paid and surely garnering advertising for his varied endeavors, such as the Sean John store), you’ve got nothing to lose except your sense of contentment and pride as you realize that the majority of recommendations far exceed the scope of your budget.

As one incredibly wealthy and naive fan or BlackBook lackey puts it in his review, “Now I can party where Diddy parties, eat where Diddy eats, travel where he travels.”

There seem to be discounts and incentives to visit the featured locations which are used like a coupon shown on the screen of your iPhone. There are more BlackBook iPhone apps available as well and while the suggestions may be worthwhile and in fact a new way of seeing a city, to believe that the stores and businesses being advertised aren’t lining the pockets of BlackBook or its featured celebrities would probably be a little soft headed.

This seems to be a new form of advertising along similar lines to product placement in movies, with the difference that the audience is made up of volunteers. Perhaps with the discounts and special offers it’s a mixture between pretending you’re a rock star and the Entertainment coupons your grandma humiliates you with by presenting them before the meal. All I can say is that while it may be hip, it also strikes me as slightly tragic.

While gay marriage is permitted in 10 % of U.S states, marriage between cousins is permitted in 50%.

Photo and feature photo: masochismtango

H.G. Wells, Albert Einstein and Darwin all married a cousin. While gay marriage is still illegal in most of the nation, marrying your aunt or uncle’s kid is okay in half the states in the Union including four of the five most populated.

While many right wingers assert that the main reason to prevent gay marriage is to protect children, the risk of genetic mutation and birth defects resulting from shared DNA doubles in marriages between cousins (from 3% – 6%). There is no risk of birth defects to children from gay unions.

While many would cite confusion about the roles of relatives as a secondary harmful factor to children of gay unions, it may be even more confusing when it becomes necessary to explain how Andy is little Craig’s uncle and his grandpa or that Mommy and Daddy are both aunt and uncle and mommy and daddy.

For your information, marriage between cousins is permitted in Tennessee, Virginia, New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island Connecticut, New Jersey, Maryland, Alaska, Hawaii and Washington D.C., and with conditions (such as state mandated genetic counseling or that one or both of the parties be beyond breeding age) in Utah, Arizona, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, North Carolina, Maine.

Gay marriage is currently permitted in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, and Vermont, and will begin in New Hampshire on January 1, 2010.

Community Connection

Want to read more about gay marriage? Check out MatadorTrips’ Best American Spots for a Same Sex Wedding.

Two Freud look-alikes frolic with a blonde in a bierschwimmbad. Photo courtesy of Starkenberger.

“Enjoy the wonderful and cosy ambiance and savor the impressing wall paintings, a highlight of the Starkenberger Biermythos!” exclaims the website for Starkenberger Bierschwimmbad. Biermythos is just what it sounds like it would mean: the myth of the beer, and maybe you’ll be coming up with your own tales of Paul Bunyan style proportions after dog paddling a few laps around one of these pools.

Having a swim in some beer might be
more affordable than you imagine.
The cost is per pool, not per person.

Bierschwimmbad means beer bath in case you were wondering about a literal translation there.

Located in Austria 170 km from Munich, the Starkenberger Resort offers meals served to you “lying on a coach in a kind of Roman style.” (I’m pretty sure they mean couch.) They claim Cleopatra used beer baths to make her skin supple. The resort itself is said to be in a castle, but you can check out the main website and its picture to judge for yourself.

While Starkenberger may be appealing to your grandiose side when they ask you to participate in their Biermythos, you can still take a tour with a beer tasting included for €8 before making up your mind to submerge yourself.
Open only on Fridays, the Bierschwimmbad requires a reservation.

Community Connection

Looking for more good news about beer? Hop on over to Matador Change to see how Drinking Craft Beer is Good for the Environment.

Photo: marksteelenz, Feature Photo: philosophygeek

So I was drunk in the bed of a moving truck last night… Hit a speed bump and somehow rearranged my face.. Cut, blood, whiskey hangover…

worth it just for the drunk midgets

definitely hooker spit. definitely poor choices. definitely hungover.

Getting ready to meet my friend for some chicken wings, beer and football, in Farmville.

got shitty drunk with my husband last night and for the first time said sorry for intentionally running someone over with my car

i’m going to feel so bad for my twitter when i look at it and i drunk tweeted myself…

it feels wrong to go to church hungover

My butler George says his hangover is probably caused by the the bottle of champagne he drank after his usual bottle of Scotch and 10 beers.

some fat old drunk guy broke into our house and tried to fight everybody.

apparently being drunk, and riding a tricycle, can still get you a DUI.

Now I know why those shots were called blue eyed blondes. They’ll kick you in the face and steal all your money.

i’m not sure if which was worse, getting robbed or a 52 year old drunk man in my house at 3 am trying to sell weed. i hate this street.

I learned a valuable lesson last night — never get drunk on an open tab. I’m sure there are more lessons to be learned from last night.

Just because it’s not getting screwed doesn’t mean it’s not up for a good bang, eh?

Community Connection

Interested in wine? Check out Nicole Heyman’s piece on MatadorTrips about Malbec Country in Argentina or Matador Member karenke4’s blog about wine in Canada.

Photo by:Matěj Baťha

If you’re a traveler who isn’t In The Know about this talk radio show then do yourself a favor and give it a look-see. What better way to kill four hours on a chicken bus than with subjects like UFO’s, chemtrails, remote viewing, ghosts, conspiracy theories, the occult, psychic predictions and the like?

Having logged over 500 hours of listening time on my worldwide trip in 2009, I thought it might be time for somebody to comment on the good and the bad of one of radio’s most popular syndicated talk shows.

Crop circle or UFO landing? Photo by: Daz Smith

The Good

George Knapp

The king of Sunday Night is absolutely killing it. He doesn’t let anyone off the hook but he also shows kindness and reserve under his cranky façade. His UFO coverage is tops but it’s really his wildcard shows (like the recent ones about a overfishing and wild horses) that show his soul. Can you think of anyone you’d rather take down a Vegas buffet with?

Catherine Austin Fitts

If Catherine told me to invest in oceanfront property on Jupiter I probably would. She’s such a mainstream kind of commentator that she almost seems out of place on Coast. Her assessment of the world financial crisis seems dead-on and her methods for explaining complex issues are unbeatable. This is the best find CTC has had in years.

Linda Moulton Howe

Sure, Howe sounds like she’s going to cry every time she says a sentence, but her 60 Minutes style approach gives Coast some diversity. Her recent coverage of the Rendelsham UFO case has been downright noteworthy. An aside – did you know that she was crowned Miss Idaho in 1963?

Photo by: Demon Baby

George Noory’s Focus On Health

He’s often resisted the urge to over-sensationalize the N1H1 craze, he’s pushed for alternative cures to health issues and he’s been hyper-aware that maimed vets are coming back from Iraq. Other than that obsessive thing with tumeric, we love it all.

Ian Punnet’s Snort

I gather that Ian bugs some folks but I love him. He’s my kind of dweeb. Anybody who buys comic books and admits to being stoned on the air (pain pills for hair plug surgery) is all right by me. And that snort! He laughs like a real person laughs. He doesn’t say “that’s funny”. He just inhales and brings it, mucus and all.

Art Bell

Not many people in radio pause any more. Have you noticed that? A pause is death (watch a reality show and you’ll notice that they actually remove the breaths between words nowadays). Art Bell pauses.

The Bad

Lose The Earthquake Guy

Jim Berkland – just get rid of him. There can’t be a person out there who doesn’t cringe when he comes on the air. The level of narcissism this man delivers is simply too much for a show that’s supposed to be helping the world. If you’re going to cover earthquakes, cover them. Don’t sell us how ‘on’ your predictions are or justify how off they were with sleight of hand. Who plugs a biography about himself? Total weenie.

Richard C Hoagland

How do I say this without taking away from the fact that Richard C Hoagland is a smart man? Oh yeah, he’s an arrogant ass. At least one guest has been on this year who could be a better “science advisor”. I am now at the point where I simply leave the podcast if he is present, even if it’s a subject that would highly intrigue me. You can practically see him straightening his tie in the mirror and telling his reflection that he’s better than everybody else.

Chemtrails? Photo by: AndreaUrsiniCasalena

Blatant Promotion

Media training alert! You can smell savvy publicists telling authors to inject their book title every five minutes. It really wears a listener down. You can almost hear the guest get a doggie biscuit every time they’ve scored another mention. You can also almost hear us thinking it might be time to take a dump and go to bed, rather than listen to the rest of their glorified commercial.

George Noory’s Periodic Napoleon Complex

As genuine and nice a man as he is, somebody’s living a little high on the hog. “Make a note to get that done,” or “I’ll have to get Producer Tom to do that…”. Is there somebody waiting with a roll of toilet paper after he craps in the Premiere building? We know that you’ve done a great job and carry the show, Georgie. Stop acting like it and you’ll be as endearing as you were a year ago.

Community Connection

Sky high for the freaky stuff? Then be sure to check out our photo essay of
The Most Alien Landscapes On Earth, as well as our recent suggestions for How To Travel To Outer Space.

]]> http://matadornights.com/coast-to-coast-am-talk-radio%e2%80%99s-late-night-champ-gets-a-report-card/feed/ 4 http://matadornights.com/from-wieners-to-superheroes-halloween-is-not-just-for-people/ http://matadornights.com/from-wieners-to-superheroes-halloween-is-not-just-for-people/#comments Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:23:30 +0000 Kate Sedgwick http://matadornights.com/?p=4081 When you think of Halloween, it’s the kids you think of as being in costume begging for treats. Let’s hope these pups got treats for the dirty trick that was played on them!

Taking the trend of treating the family dog like one of the family to its logical end, let no one be left out for Halloween.

Is it a pilgrim? Is it a witch? This Boston’s in the Halloween spirit whichever the case may be. Photo: Don Hankins

Halloween it is. Yoda I am. Photo: Foxtongue

It not a weimaraner, it’s a wiener wiener. Photo: robotpolisher

Mockstar’s caption is “Poodle in a poodle skirt,” and I can’t top that. Photo: mockstar

Hound of Hell Photo: r0sss

A hot dog with relish and mustard who seems to ask, “What have I done to deserve this?” Photo: TineyHo

Precious Moments Cocker Spaniel Photo: mikebaird

Now the world is ready for you and the wonders you can do, Wonder Dog! Photo: akaporn

Lucifer Dog Photo: TheGiantVemin

Poor Raggedy Andy. Photo and Feature Photo: akaporn

Holy fuzz-balls, Bat Man! Photo: akaporn

Spider Puppy skitters along. Photo: akaporn

Free from the tank, it’s Lobster Dog. Photo: akaporn

Striking a dashing figure – if Lady is a trap, this dog’s a gentleman. Photo: Ingorrr

Community Connection

Interested in the full participation of your pup in all aspects of life including travel? Check out these tips for taking your dog on the road.

Does this post make you miss your pet back home? Check out this piece with four tips for remembering your familiar while in transit.

Is this the tip of the iceberg in dog costumery? Is it animal cruelty or pageantry at its finest? Let us know what you think in the comments below!

Original Photo (used also as feature photo): allygirl520 , Remix by Kate Sedgwick and licensed CC, so spread the love, but give credit where credit is due.

It occurred to me in my study late one night that there exists a real need to quantify douchey-ness in standard terms; the douche who eats the last muffin at work must be distinguished from the douche who runs over your dog with his Trans-Am.

Photo Remix: Kate Sedgwick

After generous proportions of scotch and much pipe smoking contemplation, I feverishly went about creating a mathematical model which I have tentatively named the Cook based Coefficient of Douche (CCD).

Quite simply it is a relative comparison of douchey-ness to the greatest douche known to man, one Dane Cook.

In formulaic terms it is (measured douche)/(Dane Cook) = CCD.

It should be noted that since no one is more douchey that Cook, the CCD will always be less than or equal to one.

In this manner douches can clearly be ranked in order of magnitude so that light hearted arguments in bars about whose boss is the stupidest asshole can quickly be settled.

I am pleased to submit my work to MatadorNights.com for an open debate of its merits.

Additionally I have already contacted the National Institute of Standards and Technology with the hopes of the CCD one day becoming an official SI measurement.

Photo and Feature Photo: jenny downing

The two bullies had been caught on tape assaulting several less ornately dressed men before they got their comeuppance at the hands of some well-muscled guys in miniskirts. As handily as it would have occurred in a John Waters movie, the two assailants were laid out on the sidewalk, one of them kicked a couple times for good measure.

It’s at about a minute in when the two trouble makers spot who they believe will be their next victims.

The ass-kicking was handled so proficiently that The Sun speculates the high-heeled-heros were cage fighters en route from a costume party, though the bad-asses in question who stopped the two drunkards from further menacing passers-by that evening were never traced. You can view the video with The Sun’s commentary at the page.

While The Sun may not know it, those who cross-dress publicly are tougher than your average person. They have to be. Though the mystery girls will likely never be identified, I raise a glass to these heroes of the night and ask, “Wouldn’t it be great if every city had a marauding band of transexuals to defend its citizenry from drunken menaces?”

Photo: ainudil

“Matador Joselito Ortega will be plugging a club-scene energy beverage called Gay Up and have those words embroidered into his cape in large, red cursive letters.” (AP)

There are moments when being gay is just fine and dandy, and then there are moments when being gay just plain sucks. It was on about the fourth time that the story was forwarded to me that I knew that this was going to be a real El Suck-O day.

Photo courtesy of Gay Up

Look, I’ll leave the whining about product placement to That Guy. He can bemoan the state of the advertising world, about how every square inch of God’s Green Earth is for sale and how great the old days were, when advertising was just subliminally evil.

I guess if anyone should be pissed then it should be the bull, which should at least be able to make a equal buck displaying its own cheeseburger ad before being slayed or slewn or whatever the hell the past participle of ‘slay’ is.

What yanks my crank is that Ortega – who is, by the way, straight – is playing the Gay Card because his career is in the crapper. According to most reports, Ol’ Joselito is not exactly The Bullfighter Of The Year. He’s been gored many times since his tights-wearing career began in 2006, which is hardly a solid start for a newbie Matador. That’s like a school bus driver killing a few hundred kids before he gets the hang of a big steering wheel.

To be surprised that a pink cape and a gay ad would spark his career is unfathomable, yet Ortega seems to stand by his story that he’s simply trying to break down barriers for both the gay and capitalist communities. He told CNN, “I’m glad to be the first person (in bullfighting) whom the gay community will take as an icon.” Girlfriend thinks he’s Madonna and he’s really just Brooke Hogan.

Says Ortega, “I am a bullfighter. That is not going to change. I am going to go out into the ring as I have done until now, to risk my life, and the seven goring wounds on my body prove that.”

As if there wasn’t enough reason to root for the bull already.

Photo from Inside the London Tattoo Convention: beerandnoodles

Follow along with Lauren Quinn as she walks you through five top destinations for the tattooed traveler, their tattoo history and icons.

Getting invited to work the London Tattoo Convention does for a tattoo artist what winning a Pulitzer does for a novelist. The prestigious event features the crème de la crème of the tattoo world, and an invitation pretty much seals your career for life. In 2008, the event drew 20,000 visitors—and they weren’t just there to bring home skin souvenirs from the world’s best working artists.

Photo from Inside of Frith St.: slushpup

The London Tattoo Convention showcases the heart and soul of tattoo culture with art exhibitions, an anthropological exhibition highlighting the history of tattooing by the Oxford Tattoo Museum, and burlesque performances by the ubiquitous Suicide Girls. The 2009 installment will be held at the Tobacco Dock September 25-27 and day tickets are 20 pounds.

London became the home to the world’s biggest tattoo convention by being one of the world’s best tattoo destinations. The roots of tattoo culture run deep, in large part due to its 19th century popularity among the British Navy. Check out how the modern-day shops are holding it down at Into You Tattoo and Frith Street.

Tattooing wouldn’t be what it is today without the influence of Japan. A national tradition dating back to the 17th century, tattooing was associated with the criminal underworld of the Yakuza and outlawed for nearly a hundred years. Legal since 1945, and increasingly less stigmatized, the Irezumi style has had a permanent impact on Western tattooing.

The greatest living tattoo artist lives just outside of Tokyo in Yokohama. Horiyoshi III apprenticed under Horiyoshi I, and is the second tattooist to be bestowed with the honorific “Hori” title, which translates to “engrave.”

Photo of two of Horiyashi III’s Living Canvases:
Good Nights Are Rare

Horiyoshi III and his wife run the Yokohama Tattoo Museum, a pilgrimage site for tattoo junkies around the world. More than just photos and traditional tools, the tiny two-floor museum features the stuff he collects: shrunken heads, stuffed tigers, and letters from Charles Manson, to name some of the more noteworthy curios.

Can’t afford a $20,000 tattoo session with Horiyoshi III? Yellow Blaze in Yokohama, and Inkrat, and Tokyo Hardcore Tattoo in Tokyo uphold the traditions of Japanese tattooing with a modern edge.

Spend some time in the Bay Area, and you’ll immediately see the prevalence of tattoo culture. Schoolteachers and waiters in fine-dining make no attempt to hide their ink, and full sleeves barely elicit a glance on the street.

Photo of Black Heart: ecastro

How did it get this way? Long before the rise of the Haight, in nearby ports and naval bases tattooing already had a long tradition with working and navy men. In the 1960s, when the city was under the siege of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, Lyle Tuttle catapulted the underground art into the mainstream by tattooing the likes of Janis Joplin.

Meanwhile, Ed Hardy was incorporating Japanese techniques via his friendship with Horiyoshi III. While the art of tattooing was heavily stigmatized and even illegal in most of the U.S., San Francisco became a haven for tattooists, the tattooed, and the other self proclaimed freaks of the nation.

Ed Hardy’s Tattoo City is still pumping out ink, but it’s best to hit up some of the new kids in town. While there are scores of good shops and killer artists, some of the tops include San Francisco’s Black Heart, Oakland’s Temple and San Jose’s State of Grace.

For the city where modern tattooing was born, you sure don’t see a lot of heavily tattooed people in New York City. You can chalk that up to the 36-year ban on tattooing in the state of New York, which forced artists to go underground, tattooing from basement shops and backrooms. An underground culture evolved and the tight-knit New York Tattoo Society advocated for a reversal of the ban, at last succeeding in 1997.

Photo of Fun City Tattoo: Dyanna

With tattooing now above ground, New York City is finally reemerging as the tattoo destination it always deserved to be (and always kind of was). You can grab a piece of history at Fun City Tattoo, where an homage to the original owner’s fuck-you to the ban still hangs: the “Cappuccino and Tattoo” sign that flaunted plenty of double letters and illegal tattooing.

Check out the burgeoning scene at Dare Devil Tattoo, home to some of the city’s best tattoo artists and a smoking hot clientele. New York Adorned is a stylish piercing studio, tattoo shop and jewelry store in one, while Brooklyn’s Smith Street and Fly Rite modify patrons across the bridge.

Be prepared to pay a little more than you might expect. New York City’s high rents mean most shops start at $150 per hour.

Photo Inside the Milan 2007 Convention: Ko_An

Really? Yes.

It doesn’t get the buzz of other big cities, but fashion-capital Milan has slowly come up as Italy’s tattoo epicenter by being home to one of Europe’s best conventions. In its 14th year, the Milan Tattoo Convention, held in February, draws many of the same names as the London convention, with a hefty helping of Italian national pride.

You’ve got dancers, burlesque shows and punk bands, but also quirkier features like tattoo tarot, an exhibition solely on hand tattooing, and the Miss Pin-Up Tattoo beauty contest. And all with a lot less hype than London.

If you’re not in town during for the February convention, Primordial Pain and Quetzal Tattoo offer a taste of Italian tattooing all year long.

Community Connection

Can’t read enough about tattoos? Check out Kate Sedgwick’s photo essay on the Tattoo Show of Buenos Aires or her essay about what the prevalence of tattoo culture is doing to destroy itself.

Do you have something to say about that tattoo you picked up in your travels? Start a Matador Blog today and start telling our growing community your stories.

Photo: John Picken, Feature Photo: mfajardo

That’s right. Though Britain’s Home Office still thinks it’s okay if you drink until attacking someone with a pint glass seems like a good idea, apparently glass in the hands of an adult is not.

With tens of thousands of pubs closing their doors permanently each year due to high property costs and what many pub owners see as exhorbitant taxes, the mandate to switch to a less dangerous alternative to the ordinary pint glass is an added cost that may well put more pubs under if implemented, to say nothing of the insult to the intelligence of adults in England and elsewhere.

Photo: takomabibelot

The belief that people should not be held accountable for their own actions is the reason that there are cameras at every corner in the United States and idiotic rules posted at every place of employment.

Western society seems to be of the mind that every business must cover its ass by condescending to its clientele at every turn or risk being sued into nonexistence.

Is this a product of an overly litigious society? Probably – at least in part.

As Carlo Alcos’ most recent piece here on Nights is loathe to blame alcohol for recent upticks in brawls and assaults in Melbourne, we should probably all be looking for answers for increases in violence worldwide in recent years.

If we are feeling the need in larger numbers to go out, get drunk and assault people, we must start looking for societal trends that correlate to our malaise and dissatisfaction rather than simply blaming a substance.

Could it be that we are spending too much time in front of computer and television screens? Perhaps we’re having to work too hard or are feeling alienated from peers and family. Maybe it’s like Kurt Vonnegut explained, and all the dramatic stories we’ve been exposed to throughout our lives have given us a thirst for drama in our own.

Whatever the reasons for increased violence among pubgoers in Britain, Australia and elsewhere, it can’t only be the alcohol and it can’t just be the glass. Maybe we’re all tired of being treated like children?

Community Connection

Check out the Matador Community for user’s stories about pubs, like this reminiscence of community member MattLynch808 about his grandfather’s pub in Australia or nzjosh’s post about the top 3 Dublin beer gardens.

How do you tie one on? Start your own Matador blog and get started telling the Matador Community about it today!

Photo: megawatts85 with mods by Kate Sedgwick and licensed CC

Translation:The ATM company Bank Machine is offering their East London customers the option of using Cockney rhyming slang to withdraw cash for a period of three months at selected cash dispensers.

Yep, you read correctly. Users selecting “Cockney” as their preferred language are thus confronted with a Charlie Sheen that asks if you’d some moolah for ya sky rocket. It then asks for your Huckleberry Finn and how much you’d like to withdraw, among your options being a Speckled Hen. Oh, and if the machine tells you it’s contacting your Rattle & Tank don’t be alarmed — it just means it’s getting in touch with your bank.

While this novel approach may be entertaining, what of those who are unfamiliar with the east London “lingo”? Might not tourists end up in a right load of Barney Rubble if they press the wrong key after a few too many Vera Lynns?

The bank hopes to follow its Cockney experiments with Brummie, Geordie, Scouse and Scots ATMs – accents that many British people, let alone foreigners, often find difficult if not often incomprehensible (hi, Northern Scotland).

Do Bank Machine — who in fact hail from Scotland — really believe their ATMs are helping keep regional dialects alive in Britain, as they claim? Or are they merely trying to coax more users into paying the extra £1.50 most of their machines charge? At least Facebook were tongue-in-cheek when they introduced Pirate as a language setting.

As Roy Parker, a 62 year old Cockney commented in London’s Telegraph newspaper: “Real Cockneys don’t have bank accounts or all that palava…they put it under the mattress.” Could be he thinks they’re a bunch of merchant bankers.

Photo: a.drian Eyes of the baked bean, er, uh, Queen

Key:

Charlie Sheen – screen
moolah – money
sky rocket – pocket
Huckleberry Finn – PIN
speckled hen – £10
Barney Rubble – trouble
Vera Lynns – gins

For many questions and answers about Cockney rhyming slang, this is a good place to look.

Community Connection

Planning a trip to Great Britain? Be sure to check out Eva Holland’s Budget Travel Tips.

Feel like writing about your experiences traveling in England? Start your own blog at Matadortravel.com and start connecting with other creative travelers.

Photo and Feature Photo: jophie!

Melbourne is taking a beating in the local papers lately, with numerous stories of stabbings, bashings, beatings, and brawls. The Herald Sun has a long running series on the issue called “Streets of Fear,” a bit of a marketing ploy, but it reflects the views of many Melburnians. It just isn’t safe to walk the streets of the CBD (Central Business District) late at night anymore.

Photo: Brylan

It’s not new. There has always been the odd news story of street violence, but the coverage has grown exponentially in the past several months, seeming to peak last weekend when one of the victims of a bashing was a police sergeant.

The community is rightly outraged, calling for mandatory jail sentences for assaults on cops, tougher prison terms, a closing of the bars, the banning of glass, and more police on the streets.

Below is a (very) small sample of front page stories regularly found after a weekend of revelry:

12 April Street brawl and vicious “king-hit” in broad daylight captured on video. Watch here.
8 June Man pushed into an elevator and stabbed with a broken beer bottle.
20 June Two hospitalized after 15 person stabbing brawl in Melbourne suburb. 17 year old boy stabbed in the CBD.
20 July 23 year old man kicked repeatedly in the head by two men and hospitalized.
9 August 33 year old Queensland tourist beaten by five youths in a random attack.
23 August Former Aussie Rules Football star jumped at Crown Casino by a gang of thugs. Unprovoked.

What are the Officials Saying?

Photo: jophie!

Predictably, officials are grasping at the lowest hanging fruit: alcohol. Victorian Premier John Brumby says booze is too cheap. The police place a large portion of the blame on nightclubs for not doing enough to stem the problem.

Attention is being turned to the way alcohol is marketed to young people, “alcopops” (sweet, high-acohol content drinks) being the main culprit.

Tried and Failed

For three months last year, a 2 AM lockout rule was enforced in Melbourne as a trial. This meant anyone leaving a bar after 2 AM was not allowed back inside — the intent was to stop bar-hopping as much of the violence occurred between venues.

The result? Ineffective. Reports actually indicate violent crimes went up during the lockout. The government has decided not to pursue this tactic.

Harsher Sentences

With the violence so highly profiled right now, judges are under extreme pressure to hand down harsher sentences. Two recent cases:

Nicholas Keon, who had just polished off an entire bottle of Southern Comfort before moving on to vodka, was sentenced to six years in prison for bashing David Mitchell, a promising football player who can never play contact sports again after suffering brain damage.

Aspiring v8 Supercar driver, Michael Tancredi, was sent to the sin bin for four years after putting his victim in a coma.

With more cases before the courts right now, will judges continue with the tough sentences? Will they get even tougher? More importantly, will they work?

Photo: s2art

Alcohol is not the Problem

My twenties were spent binge drinking on weekends. Same with my older brothers. Our parents’ generation did it too, as well as their parents, and so on. Binge drinking is not new.

What has changed is the availability of alcohol and its targeted marketing to young people. Alcohol is not the cause of the violence, though.

There is something more deeply embedded in these trouble-makers that alcohol enhances. Alcohol is not the root of the problem, but is the great disinhibitor that leads to the violence.

Australia’s Violent Culture

Leading criminologist, Rob White, claims that Australia has a culture of violence. “It’s everywhere. Turn on the TV, it’s there. We go to work and school and confront bullies. And then there’s Parliament and sport. In fact, we love the biff* – and we’re not really that surprised by it,” he says.

He goes on to talk about solutions:

What I am talking about here is mass cultural change: an education program to teach us collectively to engage in non-aggressive resolution of problems. But I don’t think we are that serious about it – we treat the symptoms not the causes.

He also says that, even though violence has been part of Australian culture for so long, the rules of engagement have changed. Where one-on-one fair fights used to be the norm, you now have swarms of men — maybe gathered by text message — beating up on a single person. Knife-weilding attackers are also more likely to target defenceless victims.

And even when the person is down, it doesn’t stop there. Recent deaths and serious injuries have been caused when the victims were stomped on while they lay helpless on the ground. There is no respect.

Are the Kids Alright?

Police Association assistant secretary Bruce McKenzie doesn’t think so:

The baby boomers have over-indulged their kids to the extent where they think they can do whatever they like.

Criminologist Rob White sees it differently though:

If you want to deal with street violence and alcohol, deal with it holistically, and deploy the tactical use of force where appropriate. I think to blame youth is a cop-out. It abrogates responsibility from those who should have it.

A better way? / Photo: rhymeswithsausage

A Balanced Approach

The Australian Institute of Criminology recently held a round table to discuss how to tackle the problem. They identified seven key areas that need to be addressed.

Among them are: business regulation (licenses and staff education), law enforcement (increased numbers at problem spots), education (school programs), technology and media (the role of the media and communications), and community and culture (encouraging local communities to be more involved).

With all the hype surrounding alcohol, it’s promising to see that other causes are also being looked into. As in most cases, it’s a relatively small minority that cause the all the problems and ruin it for everyone else.

It would be a welcome change if those who are able to drink responsibly don’t have their party spoiled too.

*Biff is Australian slang for a fight.

Bash does not have the same connotation in Australia as it does in the U.S. It means a violent attack, but not necessarily fueled by bigotry (e.g. gay-bashing).

Community Connection

Interested in protesting violence? Look for events in support of International Non-violence Day on October 2nd, or start your own.

Do you think replacing alcohol with marijuana would be a viable solution to the problem of alcohol related violence? If so, be sure to check out Juli Huang’s article on how to help the economy by legalizing pot.

Have you ever been in a drunk fight? Or been attacked by drunk hooligans?

What do you think will solve the problem?

Feature Photo by jason.rojas, This photo still from Hooked on a Feeling video

August 13th

Today is a symbolic date for Berliners.

On this day in 1961, the border with West Berlin was finally closed by East German troops who were fed up with their citizens fleeing westwards. A barbed wire fence was erected, followed swiftly by a 100-mile length of prefabricated concrete that divided the city in half.

It stayed that way until 1989.

Here is another symbolic date: July 17th.

Xianfeng, Emperor of China was born on this day, as was Ismail I, Shah of Persia. But on this day in 1952 a different kind of man was born, one that would play a much greater role in human history. A man whose deeds would change and shape the world as we know it and would influence our lives in ways we have yet to realize.

That man is David Hasselhoff, otherwise known as “The Hoff”.

What has The Hoff got to do with The Berlin Wall? A lot, as it happens.

As the above footage shows, he not only helped bring it down and effectively bring an end to the cold war, he did so while sporting a leather jacket festooned with flashing light bulbs, and belting out his 1989 German chart hit “Looking For Freedom.”

“But he’s a terrible singer!” we hear you bleat. “He’s just a celeb! An actor!”

Wrong.

The Hoff is a certified Übermensch. He is a phenomenal individual who can run for ages in slow motion. He exudes more cheese than France and boasts a cult following – largely ironic, admittedly – to rival that of Chuck Norris. This is a man who once said he’d like to buy a castle just so he could call it The Hassle Castle.

Let’s not forget that The Hoff is the original hunk-in-trunks. Not only did he became famous for conversing with a car (Knight Rider) but he played LA lifeguard Mitch Buchannon so well that The Guinness Book of World Records has Baywatch down as the most watched TV show in the world with over 1.1 billion viewers.

What it doesn’t tell us is that most of them tuned in to gawk, awestruck, at The Hoff’s prodigious chest hair, which looks like someone paints his torso with glue and makes him do push ups on a busy hairdresser’s floor late on a Saturday afternoon.

Cynics may say The Hoff’s singing on the Berlin wall was simply a case of one unwanted erection dancing on another. Those same people would no doubt put the reunification of Germany down to the natural thawing of the cold war, the dissatisfaction of the East Berliners, the decline of the Soviet Union.

Not so.

Hoff’s role in Germany’s new-found unity cannot be overstated, as he himself pointed out by expressing indignation in this BBC article that there was no picture of him in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie.

Despite going on to parody himself in movies like SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Dodgeball (where he smashes a photo of himself in his Baywatch guise), and 2004’s A Dirty Shame (where he defecates in an airplane washroom), and despite hitting number 3 in the UK charts with his 2006 song “Jump in My Car” (following a hugely supportive – and again, largely ironic – internet campaign) life hasn’t always been easy for The Hoff.

There have been messy divorces, viral videos highlighting his drinking problems (see directly below), and that time he managed to fall asleep during a Live Interview with GMTV in the UK. So on this most symbolic of days we’d like to raise a glass to The Hoff – a truly postmodern phenomenon that, if he didn’t exist, would have to be invented.

Top Five Hoff Video Moments

Limbo Dance

Secret Agent Man

Pipex Advert

The Hoff Crying

Hooked On A Feeling

Top Five Hoff Websites

davidhasselhoffonline.com: a place for all your Hoff realted news
knight-foundation.com: a fan site that’s in earnest or tongue in cheek, or perhaps a little of both.
http://www.esquilax.com/baywatch.com A site that posits that the Hoff is the AnitChrist (you be the judge).
www.waxhoff.com (a site that lets you wax the Hoff)
www.davidhasselhoff.com, which claims to be “The official site for all things Hoff from all around the world!”

For this year’s Berlin Wall events check out: http://www.mauerfall09.de/en/home.html
And be sure to follow The Hoff on Twitter.

Ride Warrior

ROLLER COASTERS ARE TOTALLY EXTREME. If they were trying to capture what it’s like at your standard American amusement park then they should have posted footage of 5000 morbidly obese children standing in line, clutching stuffed Tasmanian Devils and shoving blimp-sized cotton candy clouds down their throats which would later be vomited into their bumper cars.

Instead they went with the “Ride Warrriors”, a focus group-approved collection of racially diverse twenty-something actors who have likely never entered an amusement park in their lives. These buffoons strike tough poses and claim idiotic titles like “The Diva of Drop”.

If any of these actors ever hit it big later in life and look back on this ad, it will be the equivalent of looking at your significant other’s high school yearbook and discovering they were captain of the chess team.

Palm Pre

This is possibly the most maligned ad campaign in recent memory. This series of surreal commercials feature a pale skinned waif who speaks and acts as though she’s been anesthetized.

She rambles inanely about experiences she’s had that compare to the Palm Pre, but her creepy behavior distracts so powerfully from the product that the viewer is left wondering what the hell he just saw.

At times, it feels as though someone is conducting a psychological evaluation of an emotionally disturbed individual, as the sickly looking figure talks to herself and stares into thin air. Naturally, Modernista! (exclamation point!), the ad firm responsible for this garbage, is taking the stance that any buzz is good buzz because you remember the ad. I call this the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder approach to advertising.

Olive Garden

If there was a lifetime achievement award for perennially terrible commercials, I’d be handing it to The Olive Garden. Theirs feature an impossibly jovial bunch of yuppies guffawing over heaps of salad and pasta, supposedly having the time of their lives while delivering one-liners that elicit maniacal laughter from the rest of the table and stone faced silence from the average TV viewer.

The latest masterpiece features a mother and her teenage son “bonding”. In reality, this commercial would feature awkward silence, no eye contact, and a look of resigned disappointment on Mom’s face – but that doesn’t move breadsticks, people!

GM Reinvention

For me, this is easily the most dishonest and offensive of the lot. By filling this piece of drek with inspiring images like sunrises, sports scenes, and waving American flags, GM is assuming that the average viewer has the intellectual maturity of a kindergartener.

It’s as if they think that their years of blocking the electric car, refusal to produce more fuel-efficient vehicles, and otherwise total failure as a company will be forgotten if they show us a football touchdown with a GM logo on it.

The sad part is, the average mouth-breathing TV viewer probably will. The only bright spot here is the corresponding spoof ad that captures my feelings on this trash perfectly.

Progressive Insurance

You know Flo as the gratingly bubbly character on the Progressive Insurance commercials where shoppers browse for insurance in boxes on shelves in an expanse of white space. The wild-eyed Flo sports an unfortunate amount of lipstick and acts as if she’s just drank a case of Red Bull.

I just have to ask: What is the appeal? There are five million different versions of Flo helping out some clueless sod who seems to have never heard of the concept of insurance, lurking about the store as if it were a minefield.

Oh I see – Flo is our obnoxious ambassador in the big scary world of um, purchasing insurance?

McDonald’s McNuggets

Oh, where to begin. McDonald’s continues its proud tradition of racially offensive commercials by creating a love triangle, complete with McNuggets and an R&B song.

Here we have a hungry Romeo pleading to his ladyfriend to share her secret. He asks her if she’s been “dippin” on him. It’s like he’s jealous of her McNuggets tryst one minute, and then wants to join in at the end. One begins to wonder if our protagonist would rather be in bed with the woman or her nuggets. Or both.

Apollo Poetry has won multiple poetry contests including the NY Poetry Slam and has been featured in MTV’S True Life, VIBE Magazine and Showtime at the Apollo. His style is passionate, spiritual and raw, bringing elements of beat poetry and hip hop to a synthesis that is making people sit up and take notice.

Apollo now calls himself The Traveling Poet and he is taking his spoken word on the road to film a first-of-its-kind documentary and share the creative spark that burns within him.

From TravelingPoet.com
“Apollo Poetry is a spoken word artist who has chosen words as tools of inspiration to bridge the gap between our cultural divisions and unite us back into the realization that we are souls having a human experience.”

Apollo will go to schools, shelters, hospitals, and poetry venues around the world to spread an inspirational message of healing and inner peace.

Wanna jump on board and help Apollo and his crew? Visit TravelingPoet.com to find out how you can get involved.

Community Connection

Want to learn more about people using their natural talents to make the world a better place? Of course you do! Visit MatadorChange to get inspired and get connected!