Oh, we all get our laughs at the expense of the mulleted warrior – a man who can be seen the world over.
Some things go far beyond what we like to poke fun at. This and all photos: Kate Sedgwick
And while Buenos Aires is famously the land of the tango, leather, some of the most delicious grilled meat in the world and Spanish with an Italian accent, a less known fact is that it’s the world capital of men’s tragic hairstyles.
Aside from the more sane and pedestrian choices you’ve seen before (though it may have been 20 years) such as the rat tail, or the mullet, there are styles here that defy simple names.
Take this man for instance.
It wasn’t a zombie. It was a squid. What?!! It’s still there?!
What he’s done, for all intents and purposes, is to make his head into a giant squid. This is business in the front and sadomasochistically restrained, brain sucking sea creature in the rear.
I have seen this hairstyle flowing free and so long that it reached to the wearer’s ass with dreads that were the thickness of a great dane’s ropey turds.
Nights Co-editor Tom Gates has pointed out that many of these men seem to be getting laid as they can often be seen (as the man above was) at the side of an adoring woman. How is this possible?
This is far from the only style incorporating dreadlocks that would have people pointing and laughing in other places on earth.
How about this guy?
Male pattern baldness isn’t stopping him from wearing… Wait what the hell is that?
I wanted to fit in everywhere and wound up fitting in nowhere.
A hybrid between a D.A. and a mohawk with a nearly two foot long dreadlock the diameter of a big toe positioned to the side to show how different he truly is.
Let’s examine what’s going on here. Elements of greaser, punk and hippy combine on the head of a young man prematurely balding to create one of the greatest hair abominations that’s ever been.
In some places, I think the urge to rip this dreadlock from this guy’s head would be too strong for some young, drunk punk to resist.
I saw something similar to this at the bank the other day and wish I’d had the balls to take a picture of it.
A young man sports a frosty fauxhawk reverse-chelsea fringe mullet.
As it is all I can show you is the hair of the young man from the bus stop today. A frosted faux-hawk gelled into submission looks okay from the front, but this kid is sporting a white-blond curly fringe that hearkens rat tail and mullet both.
The one I saw in the bank was worn by a serious and balding business man and tapered at the base of his head. Because of the bald patch on the top, the back looked like a ’70’s porn vagina. Poor man. I bet he didn’t know why he was suddenly so happy when the barber held the mirror up so he could see the other side.
These I find most egregious.
The saddest of the sad. Cat turd bouquet mullet and skullet.
Why? Well, when I’m minding my own business waiting for the bus and am suddenly confronted with a bouquet of cat turds less than a foot from my face, I’m startled.
I may even gasp before I understand that no one is maliciously attacking with feline fecal matter, but that there is a full grown man in my proximity who has decided of his own volition to sport a mullet or a skullet with atrophied dreadlocks, often less than three inches long in a little clump at the base of his skull.
A parting gift for you: a technicolor hybrid.
This man exhibits the mullhawk in maroon with two cat turd width dreads poking from the side and an unkempt beard and sideburns that meld with the sides of the head.
Is he a hero in his audacity or is he tragically fashion impaired?
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22 Comments... join the discussion!
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Crimes Against Hair, seriously? It is sad that an article like this appears in the Matador Network.
“reached to the wearer’s ass”, “the thickness of a great dane’s ropey turds”, “these men seem to be getting laid”, “the back looked like a ’70’s porn vagina”, “a bouquet of cat turds”. This is by far the worst piece I’ve read on this site.
Dear Kate, I would suggest you try writing for Cosmo or another equivalent shitty magazine if you want to write about good and bad haircuts, clothing or fashion.
By the way, are you a traveler? I guess not or else you would have seen dozens of people (backpackers and locals) with this haircut. Go to a few guesthouses and hostels in Thailand, Laos, China, Mexico, Guatemala and you’ll see that it’s not a BA thing. It was huge in Spain a couple years ago. I’ve also seen Scandinavians, Germans, Greeks, Italians having it to name a few. Maybe you should start traveling and open your mind a little bit.
Why are your bangs more acceptable? I guess because they are in fashion and 50% of the women has them. Go write for a fashion magazine and not Matador, so we won’t have to read your garbage. PLEASE!
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Dear Dimi-
You seem to have missed the point. Your assertion that you or anyone else *have* to read my “garbage” is a bit silly. Just click somewhere else. In case you hadn’t noticed, Nights covers fashion and this is also a joke – sort of. If Cosmo would have me, I would gladly write for them. I imagine they pay pretty well. And if you want to talk about open mindedness, I suggest you check out the dozens of other articles I’ve written on a range of different topics across the network before you call my work garbage.
K
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Whoa, Kate. You certainly hit a nerve there. Like Cosmo is a bad thing or something. Pshhh.
Personally “cat turd bouquet” is probably the most eloquent use of language I’ve ever heard when referring to a hairstyle. Beautiful.
Balding mullet dread-braid FTW!
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Personally, I’m a fan of mullet photography, cultural relativism or no. And whew, it’s kind of a breath of fresh air (I almost wrote fresh of breath air, hmm)… clearly, I needed a laugh.
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kate you left out all the chicas who’re getting their hair like this. the 80s semi mohawk.
it seems kind of sexy for some reason.
makes me feel like i’ve never left middle school which in some ways i haven’t.
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I was also a fan of the “cat turd bouquet” phrase, to be honest. Awesome article!
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Thanks a lot, guys. And David, maybe women’s fashion is up next in a few months. For some reason, I kind of like the girl mohawk thing. Plus, women are always being criticized for how they look, but men – not so much.
Cat turd bouquet? Y’all like that? I’ll keep it in mind.
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Your descriptions are priceless Kate! Loved this.
The Cat turd bouquet is just downright nasty!
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I thought it was a great article Kate!!! So sad about the over negative comment! BAd karma, what goes around comes around!
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I’ ve never read such an in depth study into the mullet, and personally found it fascinating, if disturbing! The images were great, I think that this has the potential for a mullet themed coffee table book…
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I agree, “cat turd bouquet” is definitely my favorite description here! I thought my husband had some mad hairstyles in middle school, but those pale in comparison to the ones documented here. Yikes.
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You have forgotten the girls in Argentina. The hairstyle typical of them: messy hair with giant flowers is also very ugly.
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Gah! We have the EXACT same problem here in Spain ahahaha: http://bit.ly/30waB
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AAh. Just spotted this piece. I spent 4 years in Barcelona, capital of the male mullet. For two years I mocked them. In the third year I stopped noticing them. In the fourth year I started finding men with mullets hot. I left the country not long after: it was getting scary.
@ writer of negative comment: Many of the writers on Matador live abroad. Speaking from experience, once you’ve spent a first few months living in a different country, lapping up the culture, seeing the sights and generally acting like a tourist, you start to notice other stuff too. Like people’s music, media, shopping habits, hair, clothes, pets, houses, food, schools, way of mopping a floor – whatever. For me, the fact that Matador includes this kind of stuff sets it apart from other mags, online or otherwise. Most guide book writers don’t hang around long enough to notice this kind of stuff.
I’m looking forward to world mullet watch. Let’s make it global.
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the dude in the 2nd photo; his hair is cool =)
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What a waste of bandwidth.
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Yeah, I’m not going off as strong as others, but I was really dissapointed in reading this article on Matador Network. What’s next? Fat people? Ugly clothes? Nah, this was a waste of time.
And Kate, the argument “just clicks somewhere else” is useless. People go to Matador Network because they agree with the general quality here. So when someone deliver below that, they should be prepared to hear it – and open-minded enought to accept it. In my mind – you didn’t in this article.
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You’re entitled to your opinion, but Matador is not a homogenized entity in which everyone shares the same point of view. The point of this piece is humor. It’s much different from making fun of someone’s weight or even the clothes they wear as that is often not a choice. Haircuts are choices and often very bad ones as you can see in the article above.
The title alone should give you a good idea what it’s is about. So why did you waste your time both reading and complaining about it? So the argument I made is valid.
MatadorNights carries pieces that are meant to amuse in which the authors don’t have to take themselves or the world so seriously. That’s how it is, kid. So if you don’t like it, I still suggest you click elsewhere, especially when you see a title that you think will be a waste of time.
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Oh wow, it’s rare to see someone that bad at taking critique..
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If “This is a waste of time” were a valid critique, I’m sure I would be more receptive.
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Lovely piece, Kate. Funny thing is that I actually got used to such abominable haircuts going every month to Bs As, even living in Brazil where people don’t risk that much when getting their hair done.
But you’re right, no place on earth has such a collection of hairdo threats.
All the best!
Geraldo Figueras↵
