Photo above by ~chicchun~.

Let’s face it. You know you desperately want to get laid.

You’ve heard about the beautiful Argentine chicas or the handsome Argentine men.

You simply cannot wait to be near them – as near as humanly possible – but this can be a difficult thing to accomplish if you are not familiar with the Porteño mentality.

There are things you must know before you go hunting. In short, you need to understand how the male and female Porteño brains work.

Points to Remember

Porteños love foreigners. They find them irresistible. You tourists look different, you talk different, and you’ll only be here for a short period of time. In other words, you’ll leave before you have the chance to threaten the lifestyle of your undoubtedly immature Porteño.

Photo above by Oegg.

Likewise, most tourists find almost anyone interesting. It doesn’t matter that the Porteño is a complete moron; there are 90% chances that the visitor will find him/her cute.

You’ll stare at the porteño with dreamy eyes when they try to speak your language with an awful accent and you’ll laugh because they made a joke that you didn’t catch but their laugh is soooo adorable.

This is good, because if you want to hook up with a local from Buenos Aires, you better show him or her that you are interested in the nonsense that he/she is spitting on you.

Hey, Big Spender!

Even if you’re still paying for college, you’re totally broke, and you’ve just stolen money from your grandmother to pay for your ticket to Argentina, people in BA will still tend to think you, like every traveler, are fabulously rich.

Obviously people won’t go to bed with you just because they think you have money, but take advantage of this perception.

Pay for a few drinks (after all they cost half or less of what they cost in your country) pay for the cab ride - big tip included.

Give some coins to the beggars in the street. This is an extra thing that’ll make you look not only rich but thoughtful and kind, and besides, who doesn’t like to sleep with a giver?

Demonstrate your generosity and you’ll be halfway to bed already.

Only For Girls

Photo above by icanteachyouhowtodoit.

Argentine guys think girls who’ll have a one night stand with them are sluts. Period. But what do you care? You’ll only be here for a week.

I have to warn you though: since the guy you’re going home with thinks you’re a slut, there’s an 80% chance he won’t even try to please you in bed (to say the least). Especially if he’s drunk.

Make sure that he turns you on and that you are really horny before leaving with him, because otherwise you stand to be really disappointed.

If you don’t want this to happen, go on a couple of dates with him before going to bed. In other words, give him the illusion you’re an old-fashioned girl with morals and then leave after you’ve gotten what you wanted.

By the way, some working girls told me that Argentine guys have bigger chorizos than most foreign visitors. They didn’t mentioned the flavor though.

Photo above by masochismtango.

Only For Boys

OK, here are some really simple rules for you: don’t stare at boobs and don’t turn your head to check out other girls’ butts while talking to the girl you like.

If you follow these two easy rules, you will distinguish yourself from the entire male population of Buenos Aires.

Your girl will think you’re the most educated guy on earth and most likely jump right into bed with you.

Another tip; if she is touching you a lot or if she is being really seductive, kiss her. Sometimes foreigners are too polite. This is not something we are used to here. Usually, we have to call security to keep a guy from kissing us.

Last but not least; foreigners have a good reputation when it comes to oral sex. So please, don’t screw that up.

By following these simple rules you should be getting laid in no time (I hope). Suerte!

Community Connection!

No, we’re not going to tell you who’s easy in Buenos Aires. But there are dozens of locals and BA ex-pats in the Matador network. If you want up-to-date, local advice, get in touch with Zento, Christian, Anthony or Durban.

Diva

Diva is a writer, tour guide and dancer in her native Buenos Aires.