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In which Matador Trips co-editor and confessed beer snob Hal Amen decides to drop the hops in a quest for the shittiest beer in America.
PEOPLE LOVE TO BITCH about American beer. Not excluding Americans. We proudly rag on the mild urine undertones of Keystone Light, the corned beef hash infusion of the Beast, and the dead-on approximation of formaldehyde that is Steel Reserve.
I’ve downed a lot of swill, but I have yet to determine the answer to what seems like a very important question: Which one is most deserving of our abuse? What is the SHITTIEST beer in America?
You probably have your opinion, but I want to get scientific. So over the next couple weeks, I and a handful of judges will be blind taste tasting 16 of the worst offenders. In the end, only the foulest will remain standing (or, warm and flat in a half-full plastic cup ditched behind the couch the night before because it was just too vile).
And to do this, we need your help. We want to hear your nominations for the “best worst beer” our nation has to offer.
I don’t want to get into the finer points of who owns what and where which is bottled. For eligibility, we’re talking classic American panther piss, mainstream enough that you can find it anywhere in the country (and especially in Austin, so I can buy it).
Bud Light, MGD, Natty, yes. Heineken, Tecate, Spaten, no.
Got it? So let’s hear it! Leave your nomination (or five) in the comments section below.
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24 Comments... join the discussion!
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Just the smell is horrible. They don’t sell that in the US, do they?
Wilwaukee’s Best and Milwaukee’s Best Ice. King Cobra. Olde English.
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Really? I never minded the Quilmes too much. I mean, it’s not honey in my mouth, but compared to other “foreign countries’ Budweisers,” I’d say it’s average or slightly higher.
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Old Style. So bad it’s good.
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I second Old Style. Also Old Milwaukee. Or do I mean Milwaukee’s Best? Maybe both? I have hideous high school memories that feature the word “Milwaukee” on cans and bottles.
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Let’s talk about Schlitz. Let’s just.
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Boy oh boy do I have some suggestions. Budweiser makes this Frankenstein-in-a-
can called a Chelada. I thought there was nothing I hated more than watching an alcoholic product go to waste, but I was wrong. I hate the Chelada more.I’d also not mind if I never had to drink a Mickey’s ever again. Or an Olde English. Oh yeah, and how about Bud Lime??? Um, if I wanted lime with my beer, I’d just have a lime with my beer.
Other than that, I’ll pretty much drink anything as long as it’s cold.
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Sarah, Tom beat me to the Chelada: http://matadornights.com/downing-budweisers-unfathomable-tomato-beer-and-clam-chelada/
I think I’m going to steer clear of the flavored stuff–sticking to the basics. I hadn’t thought about the malt liquor track, though. Will have to ponder on that.
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My vote has got to be for King Cobra. But Steel Reserve comes in a close second; especially for that hilarious description of it. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
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King Cobra is pretty bad, but I gotta agree with Tom and throw in Schlitz
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Anything made by Coors. Plus, their politics are incredibly offensive.
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Miller Chill
PBR↵ -
ditto with PBR
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Schlitz, for sure! For some reason my grandpa LOVES it! Same with Old Style… the only time it’s appropriate to drink that piss in a cup is at Wrigley Field, and even then – I have one (“for tradition’s sake”).
If you have an Aldi grocery store near you whatever off brand beer they sell. I had a knock off Corona from there…. let’s just say it’s a good thing everything in that store is dirt cheap!
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They do sell Quilmes in the US…it’s actually an Anheuser-Busch InBev brand now, along with Michelob, Natural Ice, Busch, Labatt, Rolling Rock, Corona and a ton of others.
Watch the doc “Beer Wars”. It’s a pretty interesting take on how Bud is beginning to rule the beer world, and makes me even more likely to go with smaller, local micro-brews.
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Gennessee Cream Ale, I love beer and will try most anything, but this was by far the worst I tried.
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How about Pabst? I remember downing a couple cans of the back in the day when we used to cross the border for a night out. I remember it being quite shitty.
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First of all American beers effing rock, or at least they do in Seattle!
the WORST has to be Sparks, the energy drink-malt liquoer hybrids that plague the 7-11’s.
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Schlitz
Milwaukee Beast
Natty Ice
Colt 45
Mickey’s
Busch↵ -
Steel Reserve for sure… that stuff is brutal. Cheers!
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Natty Lite.
Though my first horrible beer drinking experience was Molson (or maybe some variety like Molson Ice or Molson Light?). It was my first year of college. The dudes who knew the 21 year old pulled up with a case of Molson, warm. Ew. Just, ew. I thought I hated beer for at least a year or two after that.
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Cave Creek Chile Beer tastes like drinking the liquid from a jar of jalepenos…..
PBR would be a strong second place↵
